hey you, happy birthday!
Posted at 10:38 AM

it took me a while to decide if i should do this - after all, in all these years everything i wanted to tell you or say about you i've said to you directly (a good habit i got from you). but hey, a hallmark moment is still hard to resist... hehe. so here's mine for your birthday:

for every time you think you are, or somebody calls you strange - there is that moment when you have steered on even keel for me and that has kept me from toppling over the edge. one of the few people who know how difficult and trying i can get, but will pick up the phone, listen patiently and say, 'yeah, you do need to get away. go!' and who'll cover for me, because you understand that.

so on with life we go loopy, hoofing it - how else do we travel?

and here's the birthday celebrant hanging with her favorite species...
[img:401979]

betting
Posted at 10:23 PM

and in a friendster survey joanna says "I'm winning!"

ok so i lost. the day of reckoning was originally today, and i usually dislike conceding, but in this case, as early as yesterday it was obvious: i lost the bet.

it was a bet that involved the lack of sugar and starch, the loss of size, and two thousand bucks.

generally i am a very competitive person. which is why i avoid competition when i can (yes, that does make sense). but there's one thing i've learned though through the years - and from this, an apesterism: only gamble if you're willing to lose. the gamble, like most things, should be fun

phone matters
Posted at 09:32 PM

i dropped my phone the other day. my beloved t68 that's been my workhorse for close to 3 years now. it fell so hard it actually bounced on the concrete floor before making a final landing.

it has fallen badly before so i wasn't so worried about this one. i switched it off then on again then everything was fine. until i had to make a call. then i realized the mic went kaput. i couldn't be heard. uh oh. major uh oh for me because i make and receive calls almost as often as i text. sometimes i don't have the patience to type out messages and just call.

as early as the other week it occurred to me that i would have to change my phone soon. sometimes i'd lose my signal and would have to restart often just to get one, or call 211 just to check if i do have a signal - it did cross my mind to just keep ringing the phone of one particular person (and i'd pick a different person each day) just to drive them nuts .

but the thought of changing made me sad. i can't bring myself to replace my phone unless it's really gone.

so tomorrow i'm having the mic repaired, but i know that the phone is on its last legs. last night, for the first time, it reset itself. not a good sign.

now i have to entertain thoughts of what phone to get when this one finally dies. i'm sure i'm not getting a nokia. i'm leaning towards a t610. or, ooohhh... a k700, but that's a bit over budget (which, strictly speaking, is zero since i didn't expect i'd have to think about this this year).

actually a new t68 is just around 4k - and i don't really need a camera, so another t68 will serve just as well. but... well... i don't think i'd want one exactly like my current one if it isn't my current one.

(if you didn't get that, just nod and pretend you did )

hay
Posted at 05:35 PM

i hate hospitals.

so it was with not a little annoyance that i found myself in one this morning as part of my wisdom tooth saga. since i am me, i cannot just schedule the surgery and get the dratted tooth out. noooo. i needed clearance from a cardiologist to let me go through the anesthetic. sigh

so off to the cardiologist i went. now much as i hate hospitals, i am an old pro at being a patient so i brought a book, chatted up the secretary - got myself bumped up a few slots had a pretty good idea of how much time i had so i went back down to the lobby and got myself a little breakfast. convinced the secretary that it was just too darned cold outside and got myself a nice seat inside the clinic, with my book and breakfast.

was out in a couple of hours after an ecg and all that. all in all a painless trip made more so by the fact that i am getting more efficient at these.

but i still hate hospitals.

even though i have no musical talent...
Posted at 07:26 PM

been texting people today coordinating schedules so we could get that cd done. we're almost there... 'fragments' is all done. 'the dancer's song' full version is also done (neens, yan na siguro title - can't think of another one na talaga), but we're laying down the violin track tomorrow for the unplugged version. then next thursday we finish up karl's song (anong title kaya nun?) and then mix an unplugged version of that too. mix and master everything and the first ever album i've been involved in producing will be done

and it's a lot of fun. a LOT of fun

being this close to the creation of music taps a different vein. and i am so incredibly thankful to have the opportunity to do this. to be able to watch guitarists like karl lay in melodies, to let drummers like gaki and marti just let go with their rhythms, to hear ninna's caramel sweet voice (to paraphrase ailene's description) sing through all the pain

we'd take and retake. get out of the studio and in again to take and retake. but dang, a few months ago i said we'd be in for one heck of a ride and so we were. we made music

and at this point i'd like to plug the studio we've been using, located in Xavierville, QC. really great quality work and very very good rates. text 0917-976-4838 and look for billy who himself is a terrific guitarist playing with the bands gish and lester canon. part of the fun was getting to hang with him and meryl, guitarist of matilda - whose cd is available at the studio and which i definitely recommend everybody who's got a spot for pinoy rock should buy

what might have beens
Posted at 07:20 PM

was in pgh this morning. had to go to the opd building but got lost in the process. while walking around (hoping i wouldn't end up in the morgue), i watched the med students rush by white coats flapping, stethoscopes swinging...

i wanted to be a doctor in high school.

but when they toured us around pgh in 3rd year high and i saw how terrible the human physical state could be and got a glimpse of the life of a medical student i knew i couldn't cut it. with that, plus the fact that all my friends thought BA was cool, i went for business administration in college.

yesterday i had lunch at the podium. went through paulo coehlo over steak ('tastes like coal,' joanna made a face. 'that means it's working,' i said.) and watched the place fill up with people in suits and ties and blazers.

when i was in college i thought i'd be a yuppie.

but then i had an offer from p&g and a job interview with some bank, took one good look at the elevators, the cubicles, the dress code and knew that wasn't for me. i stepped out of the lobby before my name was called and didn't go near the corporate world again.

at the podium i ran into a college classmate. he has his own design firm - went the way most business graduates should. we caught up talked about old classmates and orgmates. this one runs days hotel, this one runs the thames business school, this one is head of benefits at bpi...

thought of my work. nowhere near my what might have beens. and it hit me all over again - i don't think it can get any better than this for me

when a writer is not effective :)
Posted at 08:29 PM

i knew there was trouble with that last sentence in the previous post... thought of editing it- but well, the entry was commented on so it will stand as it is.

what i wanted to say with the last sentence is that i realized after seeing my what might have beens that i have absolutely no regrets. that where i am now is where i truly belong and that i can't imagine how it could get better

that thought didn't come out clear apparently...

and that's why i say i use my blog as a workshop now i know how to fix it. (uh oh. i'm still in class mode. wonder why. oh yeah. because i still have a deadline monday )

hehe

hack
Posted at 03:17 PM

"so when's this due?" i ask stef. "wednesday," she says. my jaw drops. "THIS wednesday?"

i asked her saturday, and today is sunday. i've just lost a day.

wednesday i have to submit 1,500 words on this really gorgeous house for a design and lifestyle magazine. oh, my 1,500 words will be the cover story. oh, and it will be their maiden issue. yeah. not much pressure there...

but i am thankful for the break (thanks talaga, it was fun! and i will produce the write up, don't worry ) and, in a way, the challenge. haven't written anything about houses before. but hey, if my very first try will be for the cover of a new mag... as they say, if you have to fail, fail spectacularly. (hehe. kidding. i will do it... i will )

but i can't think of it just yet. have to finish this copy for an advertising/sales brochure due, um, now.

yeah, got 3 major deadlines in 3 days (the third one is for class) but man, what fun! for the kid who was always a bookworm and just liked writing for the heck of it - getting paid actual money for churning out words is kinda mind-boggling... in a good way

automotive tale
Posted at 02:35 PM

a few days ago, none of us could enter our gate. it was blocked by some #$%*()&^$ driver. over three hours he was there.

i was vacillating between ignoring the whole thing and venting. finally, i went with venting. with my sister as lookout, i crouched down and deflated his tires. well, ok, it was just one tire - but i kept at it til it was completely flat.

after a few minutes the owner of the car comes out, tries to drive away but can't (oh yeah, my brother-in-law put stones). he gets out and inspects. we are watching from the upstairs window. he takes a long time inspecting - he spots the tire. he is thinking about ringing the doorbell and demanding an explanation.

"if he gets really ticked off, we're in trouble," i tell my sister. "the only thing we have to defend ourselves with is my bb gun."

random thoughts
Posted at 06:50 PM

a few things that have been going through my mind this week:

- i have a new respect for people who write advertising copy. i really do.

- if anybody says writing is easy, i will make them sit on live coals on their bare buttocks and drink warm, flat coke.

- 27 units in a semester is hardly humanly possible.

- one of the fundamental requirements of writing is the ability to laugh at one's self. a writer should never take herself seriously.

- there are too many cellphones in the market today. and why does a t630, which is a newer model, have shorter battery life than the t610?

- if you believe in doing one show so very much, suddenly the idea of doing a pop/love thing that will make money becomes strangely appealing.

- there are very few ways to make a pop/love whatever show fun.

- tessa prieto does go around dressed like shrubbery.

new kid on the block
Posted at 09:39 PM

found what i hope is a really good deal. so far so good - fixes the little gripes i had with the t68 (but i still love that phone) - and i'm happy

the white version of this is arguably prettier - but this black one is... me

that's over and done with
Posted at 05:34 PM

that went easier than i thought. because my wisdom and foresight made me choose extra sedation during the procedure, i don't remember anything about the wisdom tooth extraction. i know i was awake and that i was feeling very restless - i could hear the dentist telling me to stop moving. other than that, i don't remember.

(of course there is that chance the the numerous anesthetics i've been through because of all sorts of medical procedures has permamently damaged my memory - but that's another story.)

right now the swelling isn't so bad. i look like i was in a fistfight, but that's it. i'm still a bit woozy and read and write and work in bits. doctor's instructions were complete rest for the first 24 hours. he was kidding right? this is me we're talking about

our ref is loaded with gelatin and milk and the freezer has a good supply of ice cream and frozen youghurt - the only things i can consume til roughly tomorrow evening.

but the moment i can eat solid food easily - i'm having kfc

happy birthday biankee doodle!
Posted at 09:36 AM

i remember the day you were born. actually i remember the day we thought you were going to be born pero false alarm, di pala. you came out a couple of days after. hm. i wonder if that means anything

apa and ama wouldn't go anywhere without you. we were always getting on each others' cases who could get to play with you.

i was the only one there when that thing in your belly button fell out. it was not a fun sight. i didn't know what to do.

your favorite toy then was red bear/yellow bear. and you loved the music of the rolling stones.

we were there from the very beginning. so if ever you feel nobody understands you, don't worry we do. and we're staying right here the most solid cheering squad you're ever going to see

happy birthday biankee doodle. God's got you by the hand taking you through life. doesn't get better than that

wait a minute
Posted at 12:20 PM

so much for being easier than i thought.

the first day, surgery day, wasn't bad. really, it wasn't. couldn't open my mouth much but that's not a problem really. sure i was hungry, but hey, what else can be done on a liquid diet?

second day, rested. stayed home. yeah, did some work - but leisurely. finished 'the innocent' by ian mcewan and felt unduly oppressed, but the excavation site in my mouth was still holding up fine. i was starting to get a bit disappointed that i wasn't going to use my painkillers.

then the pain hit.

tuesday night was bad, and so was yesterday, and now. OUCH! trust me, my threshold of pain is high. these past days i've been holding out 'til i have to squint from the pain.

the thing is, i scheduled things so that the first two days - when i thought the worst would happen - i'd just be home and resting and by today, i'd be back in full swing. but now i have to be in full swing with maximum pain. thank God for pills.

the doctor put me on celebrex (not mefanamic acid) - pretty white pills with yellow stripes. 200 mg a pill. 200?! what the heck good would that do? so i pop two at a time and that seems to help. gad.

i think it is a good solution
Posted at 09:01 PM

it started last night. the second i heard about the possibility of not having our cornflake girl, my brain started working double time. what to do.

it continued to this morning. hopped from spot to spot finding a place that would be available on the 21st. went back to the rehearsal site slightly dejected. shook my head at the girls as i walked in. couldn't find a place.

unless we move the show outdoors.

that was always my big conflict as a show put-togetherer. outdoors is always more cool, but the two times i've done it, i had water from the sky. nothing much, just drizzles - but enough for my heart to stop beating momentarily. everytime i go outdoors before an outdoor show i spend days looking at the sky. neck gets all stiff.

but we had no time to be flip-floppy on this one. i started bugging people asking for reassurance that it wouldn't rain the 3rd week of december (as if they had control over the weather). within 15 minutes, the decision was made. outdoors it is.

as i watched the girls rehearse without the cornflake girl, i knew we made the right decision. the show needs all the cereal killers. all of them

and so,

workaholics anonymous invites you to ABANDON. a dance rock show featuring the cereal killers, up dharma down and high beam on december 21, tuesday, 7PM at the faculty center parking lot, up diliman.

see you all there

almost there
Posted at 11:02 PM

the manuscripts for the 'stressed' book are now with the publisher. the illustrations are done (i will be seeing them on monday). in about a week, it's possible this book will go to press.

it's a very new and somewhat strange experience for me.

as soon as i let the manuscript go and fly into the hands of robert, who did the illustrations, and the publisher, i began to feel very differently about the words written there. it's now all about the work. it's all about making this book the best it can be given the limitations present. and the limitations, i freely acknowledge, are considerable. but still, we have to start somewhere. and we're starting with this.

at this point, the book is an external objective reality. i don't feel any emotional ties to it. the emotion was expended on the first draft. now it's about craftsmanship with a detached eye.

there's a part of me that's in a baffled state that what we're preparing now is actually something that's going to be for public consumption. that there will be people i have never met (and maybe never will) who'll be reading the words. and that's a future reality i have trouble reconciling with the state i'm in now.

i know that when i see the finished product the emotion will hit again. but not now.

the text is the text. it stands. and once it's out there, it will belong to the reader. what a strange experience really to pore over something for about a year and to have it almost take a life of its own. what a strange, and marvelous, experience.

one more on pain then i'll stop :)
Posted at 02:16 PM

if i take any more mefanamic acid i'm going to have to go into rehab.

the pad of celebrex ran out some time ago, and my pad of ponstan 500 is going the same way fast. there were times when i had to pop, again, two at a time (my record actually is 5 at one go, but that's another story).

i must admit this has caused my already spotty short term memory to go even more haywire and make mistakes i've rarely committed like send a text message to the wrong person. i knew things were getting a bit bad when, one recent evening shortly after midnight, i found myself staring at a message from joanna on my phone and i couldn't work out the date and time - was the message sent the same day i was looking at it (it was in fact sent just that minute) and i could not understand what the message said - when it was, in effect, just a simple 'this dvd sucks.'

when, at around 3:30 this morning i woke up in agony and had to crawl around to get a pill, i knew i was getting near the end of my rope.

mercifully i had a dental appointment this morning. turns out the pain was caused by some of the stitches collapsing causing the thread and other particles to get into the wound. the dentist cleaned the whole mess up, took out the stitches, and i feel a lot better.

now i have this big bad syringe with a big bad needle to flush the wound every time i eat. that should make things a whole lot comfortable.

so, that is theoretically the end of my painkiller binge.

rats.

a college tale
Posted at 08:35 PM

was on the phone with grace, a friend from college. she was telling me about her kids and how she doesn't pressure them too much to study because she herself wasn't that studious. 'of course,' she says, 'when it came to not studying, i was nothing like you.'

one of my favorite college stories goes like this:

in 4th year we had this subject called science, technology and society. the most useless 3 units of my life. fortunately, it wasn't that hard and on the three exams, i did pretty well. i was expecting a final grade of 1.75 or something close. but when the sem ended and i got my classcard, i saw i only got a 2.5 (highest is a 1.0, 3 is passing).

"how can this be?" i demanded. "in all 3 exams i scored well over 2.0!"

"um," grace said, "there were 4 exams."

oh.

if it fits
Posted at 10:35 AM

out of the past few days, a truism:

the perfect shoe is always worth the extra effort to look for.

i do believe it is the part of the wardrobe that most directly affects our well-being. going around in a bad shirt can't be as bad as going around in uncomfortable, yecky shoes. and a good, cool, comfy pair of shoes can launch a thousand ships.

ok, yeah, the metaphor is all wrong. i'm rusty